I feel so down and that irritates me because I should feel so happy about the things in my life. Yesterday Cris sent me an email saying that our separation papers are on the way and that two sentence email ruined my day. All the achievement I felt got crushed and tossed to the side. How can I left Cris still make me feel this way? Yes we’ve been physically separated for over a year but I don’t understand why it feels like I got the wind knocked out of my chest.
I couldn’t stop crying. I look pathetic (well I like to state that for the record my wonderful black top and ripped jeans and new mohawk hair cut made me physically look amazing…that’s all).
It’s that at one point I truly loved this man, I loved him enough to have a daughter, I loved him enough to live with him and really be there and out of it all I get an email. Like it wasn’t even a phone call. Just a lame email, like I was someone he had to get back to for work and didn’t really want to deal with.
I’m annoyed, irritated, pmsing, and slightly depressed.
It’s not that Kiki hasn’t been treating me well and it’s not that I’m lonely. We’ve had our ups and downs and my family constantly gives me a hard time. Makes me thing that maybe I should have kept things to myself. I feel like an outsider and there isn’t anyone I can talk to about it. Sometimes I think that I need to keep a personal journal because this would totally rub her the wrong way and chances are that she’ll totally interpet this way differently then what I mean.